October 23, 2005

• "everything gets better [in vegas] when they turn on the neon."
  --anthony bourdain

  I realized something this weekend.  I am quite confident.  I
  know i'm a catch,  i'm told that i'm a catch,  I just don't
  always act on it.  I can be quite impulsive,  and it in fact
  gets me in trouble.  (see: spring quarter, freshman year of
  college. oh wait,  most of you don't know that story.)  Since
  then,  i've toned down my act a bit.  And i've toned it down
  a bit too much.  I am young [at 27,  given my genes, i'm
  thankful to have hair, and hair that hasn't turned gray] and I know
  that the only times i've truly grown are when i've thrown caution to
  the wind.  I think I need to learn to trust my instincts and act
  when i'm given my cue.   My brother's wedding was this
  weekend.  My brother's friend Marc was the best man,  and I
  knew he was going to give a speech at the wedding.  I was a bit
  nervous that I would have to give one as well.  I think Marc
  mentioned to me at the rehearsal dinner that I would have the chance to
  do so....if i wanted.  I knew that the more rehearsed of a speech
  i gave,  the worse it would be.  I decided to push it out of
  my mind completely.  In fact,  when the time came,  i
  wanted to just pass the mic on to someone else.  But
  instead,  I spoke from my heart and let things flow.  I don't
  quite recall what I said,  so it must have been fantastic. 

  In conversations with both my aunt and one of my cousins,  I was
  reminded about how I am both very much like, and very much different
  from the other males in my family.  I will never change,  but
  perhaps shift a bit.  Life is all about spectrums. 
  Sexuality.  Politics.  Relationships.   If you
  don't establish where you are in those spectrums,  people will pin
  you somewhere in each. Categorizing if you will. 
  Straight. Bleeding-heart.  Lover  Tree-hugger. 
  Acquaintance. Gay. Right-Winger.  Friend.   In
  life,  if we are going to live in this world of strict
  definitions,  you can let others
  define you,  or you can establish it yourself.  I think I
  tend to be too nice and end up letting others define me.  I didn't
  always do this in the past. 

  I truly think that a good way to judge a person's character is at
  the poker table.  While bluffing is a part of the game,  i am
  not talking about the "strategic lie",  since I am all about
  brutal honesty and laying it all out on the table,  so to speak.
  (very much unlike my father)  I am talking in  terms of what
  I call, "table respect."   How do you approach that
  table?  When you sit down at that table,  do you let the
  other players run over you,  or do you stand your ground and
  defend yourself even against the best?   When I play
  hold'em,  I sit down knowing that I am the one to beat at that
  table,  regardless if i'm playing against my friends Jared and
  Lindsay at Bayside on Tuesday nights,  against a poker
  professional such as Howard Lederer or Phil Gordon in an online poker
  tournament,   or just a casual game on partypoker.com. 
  At times,  I let the pace of the action dictate my style, 
  but I can also turn cut-throat and control the game myself.  In
  fact,  those friends who have watched me play poker on our Vegas
  trips have described me as "cocky and ruthless."   This side
  shouldn't just be brought out when i'm on the other side of the state
  line.   In my life lately,  i think i've moved a little
  more towards the former [pace dictate my action],  and its time to
  swing back towards the latter [control the game.] 

  It is a lesson in cards,  if you don't bet aggressively with a
  strong hand,  you will undoubtedly let others stick around and you
  may lose when the fourth or fifth card hits the board.  You can't
  be timid at the poker table.  You can't be timid in life.

  • 6:08 pm
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