http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1511627/20051017/index.jhtml?headlines=true

ahh. i love the onion.  is baseball
season over,  yet?   i love baseball,  mind
you,  but its painfully obvious the sox are the better team.

"everything gets better [in vegas] when they turn on the neon."
--anthony bourdain

I realized something this weekend.  I am quite confident.  I
know i'm a catch,  i'm told that i'm a catch,  I just don't
always act on it.  I can be quite impulsive,  and it in fact
gets me in trouble.  (see: spring quarter, freshman year of
college. oh wait,  most of you don't know that story.)  Since
then,  i've toned down my act a bit.  And i've toned it down
a bit too much.  I am young [at 27,  given my genes, i'm
thankful to have hair, and hair that hasn't turned gray] and I know
that the only times i've truly grown are when i've thrown caution to
the wind.  I think I need to learn to trust my instincts and act
when i'm given my cue.   My brother's wedding was this
weekend.  My brother's friend Marc was the best man,  and I
knew he was going to give a speech at the wedding.  I was a bit
nervous that I would have to give one as well.  I think Marc
mentioned to me at the rehearsal dinner that I would have the chance to
do so....if i wanted.  I knew that the more rehearsed of a speech
i gave,  the worse it would be.  I decided to push it out of
my mind completely.  In fact,  when the time came,  i
wanted to just pass the mic on to someone else.  But
instead,  I spoke from my heart and let things flow.  I don't
quite recall what I said,  so it must have been fantastic. 

In conversations with both my aunt and one of my cousins,  I was
reminded about how I am both very much like, and very much different
from the other males in my family.  I will never change,  but
perhaps shift a bit.  Life is all about spectrums. 
Sexuality.  Politics.  Relationships.   If you
don't establish where you are in those spectrums,  people will pin
you somewhere in each. Categorizing if you will. 
Straight. Bleeding-heart.  Lover  Tree-hugger. 
Acquaintance. Gay. Right-Winger.  Friend.   In
life,  if we are going to live in this world of strict
definitions,  you can let others
define you,  or you can establish it yourself.  I think I
tend to be too nice and end up letting others define me.  I didn't
always do this in the past. 

I truly think that a good way to judge a person's character is at
the poker table.  While bluffing is a part of the game,  i am
not talking about the "strategic lie",  since I am all about
brutal honesty and laying it all out on the table,  so to speak.
(very much unlike my father)  I am talking in  terms of what
I call, "table respect."   How do you approach that
table?  When you sit down at that table,  do you let the
other players run over you,  or do you stand your ground and
defend yourself even against the best?   When I play
hold'em,  I sit down knowing that I am the one to beat at that
table,  regardless if i'm playing against my friends Jared and
Lindsay at Bayside on Tuesday nights,  against a poker
professional such as Howard Lederer or Phil Gordon in an online poker
tournament,   or just a casual game on partypoker.com. 
At times,  I let the pace of the action dictate my style, 
but I can also turn cut-throat and control the game myself.  In
fact,  those friends who have watched me play poker on our Vegas
trips have described me as "cocky and ruthless."   This side
shouldn't just be brought out when i'm on the other side of the state
line.   In my life lately,  i think i've moved a little
more towards the former [pace dictate my action],  and its time to
swing back towards the latter [control the game.] 

It is a lesson in cards,  if you don't bet aggressively with a
strong hand,  you will undoubtedly let others stick around and you
may lose when the fourth or fifth card hits the board.  You can't
be timid at the poker table.  You can't be timid in life.

oh my, i have found a new poker goddess.  carmel petresco. 

i think i need to move to vegas so she and i can raise beautiful children who are check-raising right out of the womb.

the wedding is three days away,  yikes!

i hope my tuxedo fits...i'm picking it up today.

as contrary as it may sound to my prior post,  i am in fact quite happy.  =)

well,  i guess i was wrong about that one.  today, perhaps.

i slept really well last night,  surprising given how late i
stayed up,  the nice restaurant i went to with my dad,  and
the seemingly non stop drinks. 

i am so hesitant to post a craigslist ad,  but given the fact that
i'm not meeting anyone new lately,  it just might be what i need
to do.  i thought i was content with my life (how could i not be
with such an amazing job,  apartment,  and best of all, 
great friends) but maybe i just need to be a bit more selfish. 
i'm a very giving person and i'd sacrifice the world for those few
people around me with whom i'm close.  however,  it hurts to
be told that i can't provide them everything they are
needing.  

it doesn't help that mest's cover of modern english's "melt with you"
has been playing over and over in my iTunes playlist. 

i am the catch of a fucking lifetime.  i guess people think i'm too good to be true.

looks like they're finally finishing the assembly of my cube.  it is always nice to have an office "home." 

i can't believe i lost track of the glory that is the chicago band,  mest.  they will definitely be making it into my next mix cd of music that you should be listening to.

and something tells me that this will be an exciting week. 

this city.  these friends.  i know i say this quite a bit
lately,  but i am so thankful that i'm surrounded by all of
this.  some who seem to know me all too well (and can figure out
just what movie i will pick from a selection) and those who i see less
frequently who come up with funny poker nicknames and respect me at the
table. 

i'll go to sleep tonight with a grin of mischief (and some minor pangs
of guilt iny heart) but knowing that some times you have to let nature
take its course.

oh god how i love this song.  it is one of the songs that has been
stuck in my head lately.   such a sweet song.  sigh.

anberlin, "stationary stationery"



Do they not have pen or paper where you are?


'Cause I haven't heard from you in ages


I relive each memory


From time to time


With notes exchanged


With all the scented pages


It's comin back


It's all comin back to me now

Tell me everything turned out alright


'Cause I'm well and we said


That we'd meet tonight


Does he treat you like you want


Does he ask to take your hand


Does he believe in dreams we talked about


Though with no music we dance

I thought you said that you'd come find me


I thought you said you'd be home by now


I heard you say that you'd come back here


So I wrote to remind you somehow...

Dance by yourself and


Think of me when you do


I'm not sure you understand


What this means to me


What you do to me


I'm willing to prove


That you're the one


I regret to slip away


Now I know it was only you


That I've been searchin for


And missin all this time

I thought you said that you'd come find me


I thought you said you'd be home by now


I heard you say that you'd come back here


So I wrote to remind you somehow...

I thought you said that you'd come find me


I thought you said you'd be home by now


I heard you say that you'd come back here


So I wrote to remind you somehow...

Let the past be past


Let's start today


And let us both do


I need to see your face


Tell me where to be


I'll tell you why we shouldn't be


(I'll tell you why we shouldn't be)

I thought you said that you'd come find me


I thought you said you'd be home by now


I heard you say that you'd come back here


So I wrote to remind you somehow...

I thought you said that you'd come find me


I thought you said you'd be home by now


I heard you say that you'd come back here


So I wrote to remind you somehow...

Okay,  i haven't been posting the last couple days because i've
been so stressed out at work. I got a piece of particularly good
news,  however I won't believe it until we move into our new
offices next week.  The cubicle assignments have been
posted,  and I think i've got a good spot.  The bad point is
that i'm right next to our two founders,  the good news is that I
may actually have a view of the bay.  I can't quite remember the
layout of the new office,  but I seem to recall that our founders'
had good views from their office. 

Of course,  the location of our support department in the new
office has changed numerous times in the last two weeks,  so this
might not even hold up at all.  Regardless though,  change is
always exciting.